Hi, I'm Susannah and I'm a 27 year old woman from Britain! I am an NICU nurse, though I am currently not working, due to my health. I have severe depression, and several physical disabilities, which combined have all but floored me recently! I am a survivor of domestic abuse, and am currently going through a divorce due to this. My story is fairly 'normal' in the realms of domestic abuse, i guess ... Fairly shortly after we got married, things started to change. My husband is a 'Christian' man - but I didn't realise what inner struggles he had until it was too late. He didn't respond well to the realities of marriage, and things soon became increasingly violent, and verbally / emotionally abusive.
During the first couple of years of our marriage, I really struggled emotionally. My work life suffered. My relationship with God suffered. I was in so much pain and I just didn't know where to turn. Eventually things reached a real crisis point at home, & I left my husband, for a period of 6 months - after which I (naaively) returned to him. Once back in the marriage, I found myself in a position where all the promises that had been made to me while we were apart had disintegrated. I spent a further 3 years with him, trying desperately to mend the marriage .... during which time I heard many mixed messages about my expected role as a christian wife - making me more confused and hurt than ever!
	Christian Survivors was founded whilst I was separated from Phil the first time. It began as a place where Christian survivors could get together safely, without triggering other survivors ... It has become what you see today - a place for all survivors, whether Christian or not - vibrant; supportive; loving! Seeing what's happening in each of the members lives gives me such pride in them! We have all come so far on our journeys! :)

---

        


Lost Hope

An image from my age-old dreams holds my attention,
It’s vividness haunting my soul:

The gentle touch of a lover’s finger on my face,
My heart captured by his tender eyes
Lost in the love of my Lancelot…
But he was a vision; and my heart mourns his loss

The love and security once imagined possible,
And held dear in my dreams,
Are now unveiled as merely the fantasy of youthful naivety
Stripping from me the hope of happiness.



Immersed in the blackness that is lost hope,
I weep in my craving for tenderness,
And gasp in desperation for intimacy.

Beyond me now lies the unknown,
Cloaked in the mundane ness of a life bereft of passion,
My heart shattered and frozen, my dream lost within my stricken soul.

Romantic notions are flung aside, an
entire outlook on life
Destroyed by the reality of a heart in pain….



I tear my gaze at last from the man in my dream;
Detaching myself from even the dying embers of hope;
Turning once more to the prospect of the present,
And the unknown path of the future,

Relying on the bitter wisdom of pain,
To guide my stricken heart






~ © Susannah Brown ~

Email : susannah@christiansurvivors .com

MSN : susannah@christiansurvivors.com